Saturday, October 4, 2008

Jittery.

Getting a bit... something. I dunno. I start work on Monday. Or I start back to work. It's a new job and it isn't. The one thing that's sure is that it's a paycheck. I'm a different person than I was when I left there. That's something, I guess.

Perhaps I'm frustrated that I spent my last unemployed week miserable in bed, or that the end of my "freedom" came with so little notice. Perhaps the suddenness of the shortening days and the cold cold air is more of a stun than I can take. A new phase is beginning, that is certain, and it seems that all factors have conspired to make sure that I don't forget it even for a moment.

For some reason, it all makes me want to bake.

There are worse reactions, I'm sure. And as long as I don't eat all of the baked goods myself, the worst result will be a messy kitchen and a big bill for whole wheat pastry flour. At the moment, though, I'm highly distressed because I want to make Celine's chocolate breakfast cake, but I just don't have the ingredients. It makes me want to go pout in bed.

Pouting in bed is possibly not the most productive reaction.

I don't know quite what's going on. I feel like everything has changed without really changing; I have at times described this feeling as 'having everything shift a foot to the left' or something of that sort. And while that makes sense in my head, I don't know if it quite imparts the sensation.

It's more like, I've been looking at this room, right? For months and months, I've been looking at this room. And I'm still looking at the same room, and nothing has changed in it. Except that now I'm looking at it from a different wall, one adjacent to the one I was standing against before - a 90 degree rotation. So I know exactly where I'm at, and everything looks familiar. But somehow I'm still disoriented and when I try to move through the room I bump into all the furniture.

Right now I'm thinking that if I bump around for long enough, I'll make my way to the bed sooner or later. And once I'm under the covers I won't care which way the room is facing.

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