Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dear Agency Twat,

YOU SUCK ASS!

At this point you may be thinking to yourself, why in the world does Michelle think I suck ass? Well dear, let's review.

1. Today, you sent me into an interview without any preparation whatsoever. You told me the wrong position, and also claimed that the testing would be "a little bit easier" than what I'd done in your office. Imagine my surprise when I encountered an in depth practical test for MS Word involving the most advanced of formatting techniques. As you should be aware, because I've told you, I don't have advanced skills in Word; I've never used it in a professional setting. At my last job we used WordPerfect, a distinctly different program. Of course, I'd hardly be surprised if this is news to you, as you don't seem to hear anything I say.

2. Again at above mentioned interview, the interviewer was very surprised that you had not forwarded me the employment application which they require to be completed. What was I to do but shrug like a moron and complete one awkwardly on the spot? Of course, this wasn't nearly as surprising to her as the fact that you'd sent her a candidate (me) with inadequate Word skills, and in fact hadn't even told me that advanced word skills were required. Now, I'm assuming these things happened because you didn't bother finding out what they'd want from me at the interview; just a guess.

3. DURING above mentioned interview, you called me. Not to see how the interview had gone because you thought I was finished. No, to tell me about another opening. Without even thinking about the fact that I was even out on an interview. Maybe you just forgot entirely? I really wouldn't be surprised.

4. My name is Melissa. NOT Michelle. MELISSA. Me-lis-sa. In Greek, little honey bee. Not difficult. Fairly common in fact. It says it right there on my resume, and all of my emails, and the arduous application that I filled out at your stupid agency. So... you know. Learn it. Use it. Love it. And then stop effing calling me Michelle.

5. Y O U R = your (possessive). Y O U ' R E = contraction of 'you are'.

6. Commas, periods, and question marks do not have interchangeable meanings.

7. For the eighth time, NO, I am not interested in opportunities in Long Island. I don't have a car, and I don't intend to incur the extra travel time and expense of the LIRR. How many different ways can I say "on the subway"?

In summation, I don't like you and you're ugly and stupid. But none of that would matter in the least if you could do your job. Unfortunately, you seem to think that your job is to throw me at every "legal" opening you can get your grubby little hands on, whether or not I'm qualified for it, without preparing me for the interview in any way or even finding out what the company is looking for in a candidate. You don't listen when I speak, or read what I write in emails. I think you really may have missed your calling by not going into real estate. If and when I ever secure employment, which I sincerely doubt will occur due to your "assistance", rest assured that I will share your name, company, and exact skill level with everyone I possibly can.

Sincerely,
MELISSA Bastian

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