Thursday, March 13, 2008

i should roll me up a pretty little dunce cap. or maybe i need someone to do it for me...

there seems to be a lot of confusion as to why i'm embarrassed about the whole potential-employer-finding-blog thing. well, i'll outline it.

1) it was a total blindside; i tend to think of my blogs as invisible. it's been like 6 months since i've gotten a comment on any of them! what were the chances that THAT PARTICULAR GIRL out of all people... well, you get it.

2) i spent like three hours reading and re-reading and editing my cover letter and resume that i sent to them, and i had to give them a writing sample (which i find totallynervewracking). but is that carefully crafted work the first exposure that they have to me? nooooo. no, first they read my crazy rambly blog which, while entertaining, could easily be construed as me being a crazy person. so now at the nonprofit that i most want to work for in the whole city, i am forever branded as crazy blog girl, no matter how intelligently i can write or how good i look on my resume or how qualified i am for a position or anything else. not that this will keep me from getting a job with them per se; just that it's a stigma...

3) i discovered it in the middle of the night, when i couldn't sleep, because i'm so stressed out about all of the upheaval going on in my life. and THAT'S how i found out that the job i was so hoping to hear about was off the market. punch-in-stomach territory, no?

i've talked about the situation to several of my friends now, and they all say the same things:

1) that if she thought i was a crazy moron she wouldn't have bothered to leave a very nice comment; she would have shown everyone in the office and then put a post-it in their resumes folder with big red letters on it saying DO NOT HIRE THAT GIRL.

2) that now they sure as heck know who i am, and it might actually work out to be a good thing. they might actually keep my resume on file; they might actually call me if a position comes up thati'm qualified for. even if they do think of me as crazy blog girl, maybe they think of me as crazy blog girl who understands that our work is important and amazing and will get the job done... and maybe write fun blogs for us.

so hey, maybe in the end this is a good thing right? i would be happy to hear from them in three months, or six months, or a year or two years. i want to work with them, period. i'm just so terrified that i've ruined my chances forever. short of working with them, i have to start my own nonprofit to do the work that i want to do on any kind of recognizable scale. i mean sure, i write my zines and table at events from time to time, but there's so little that i can squeeze in when i'm working for the man 40 hours a week... you know. i'm trying to convince myself that this is alright. that i haven't completely obliviated my chances of ever working with them. i'm just finding it very, very hard to believe. everyone is saying that i'm being too hard on myself, which is probably true. wow, how unusual.

just keep your fingers crossed for me, would you?

just keep your fingers crossed for me, would you?

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