Monday, September 10, 2007

and i'm back to working the overtimes.

i want my new life and i want it NOW! it's killing me. i know all of the reasons that i'm not doing it now. and they're good reasons. but i'm afraid that when the time comes, there will still be good reasons not to leave. there will always, in fact be good reasons not to leave. stable income and paid health insurance chief among them. but jesus. it's trading one kind of happiness for another kind of happiness. blarg.

i want it. i want it now. i daydream all the time in these vague notions of what it will be like to have all day, every day to pursue the things that i actually want to be doing. the things that i care about, the things that excite me. thinking about it only makes me hate my current situation that much more... i need to find a balance between dreaming about it enough to keep it alive, but not so much that my real life makes me sick.

tricky.

No comments: